Confessions of Secret Sentiments
by Dempeo4ever81
Summary: The lies, the love, the words spoken and unspoken. Not believing and betrayal, can they help each other or is there too much damage, is it too late to say the unsaid? pairings merder,crispres,also the others later on
1. Open Windows

**Confessions of Secret Sentiments**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Greys Anatomy but I do wish I was Patrick's wife or even Ellen Pompeo but its only dream… I'll only say this once

**Summary:** The lies, the love, the words spoken and unspoken. Not believing and betrayal, can they help each other or is there too much damage, is it too late to say the unsaid?

This is different from the show but Meredith's mother died, Meredith almost died, Burke didn't ask Christina to marry him and they're still not talking.

**Chapter 1: Open Windows**

Rain pounded against the windows and broke the dark silence in the room. On the large bed were two sleeping figures, one calmly intertwined in their dreams while the other fidgeting with their nightmares. The males' mouth moves silently, as if he's trying to say something within his dark dreams.

Suddenly, he shoots up in bed, panting, his eyes searching the room frantically. He gulped, trying to calm his upset nerves. Finally his eyes fall on the figure sleeping soundly next to him. He sighs in relief as he lies back down and cuddles up next to her.

"Meredith," he whispers to himself, as if reassuring himself that it's truly her. He hugs her sleeping body close to him but never falls back into slumber.

-

-

Burke took the coffee mug in hand and quickly poured himself a cup as he looked intently at Christina sleeping on the couch nearby. Then, as if she was aware he was staring at her, she began to stir in her sleep. She fell off the couch and onto the floor with a grunt. Burke raised his eyebrows in surprise. Her long black hair was a tangled mess and she cursed under her breath. She slowly got up and swore again when she hit her head on the coffee table. Burke hastily set his coffee cup down and rushed to her side.

"Christina, are you alright?" Burke asks, worry in his voice.

"Yes, I'm fine," she spat and rubbed her head. Burke backed off, not wanting to get her any angrier. He walks back over and begins drinking his coffee again. "What would you care anyway?" Christina muttered under her breath as she attempted to get up again, only to hit her head a second time on the table. "Shit, ow ow ow, Damnit!" Christina swore as she heard Burke chuckle at her. Christina glares menacingly up at him. "What re you laughing at!" she exclaims. "I can't take this shit anymore, I have to get my own place," she muttered, "damn table."

"What were you saying?" Burke asked, knowing full well what she had said.

"Nothing," she retorted irritably.

"Are you sure?" he asked. "I mean, you could talk or, I mean, we could talk-

"Yes I'm sure!" She yelled. "Now you want to fucking talk huh? You can go to hell Preston, just go to hell!" Christina felt tears well up in her eyes and she made a vain attempt to wipe them away.

"Christina-

"You shut the door in my face," she sobbed. "You see that I hit my head everyday on that damn table, yet you look at me I'm still here talking to you every fucking morning saying "good morning Preston how are you?" Yes, I even started calling you Preston to see if you would notice did you? I don't think so and if I remember correctly you practically broke up with me! Now you want me to talk?! I would rather talk to a cat than talk to you, talking to you is like talking to a wall!" Christina voice gets softer. "You never listen to me, Preston… I think we should-

"No!" he yells, banging his coffee cup on the table.

"What do you mean 'No'?" Christina exclaimed, her anger rising up again. Preston shakes his head, sadness apparent in his eyes.

"Christina, I still love you…"

"You still love me? You sure have a hell of a way of showing it! Look at me; I've been dealing with all this shit for too long. I'm showing you that I love you in the only way I can and with what you gave me, I want us to work," she points at Preston. "You are showing me you don't give a damn, I am trying to be there for you the best way I can. So you can just go to hell! I'll be out by tonight!"

"What?" Preston question, his eyes widening with surprise. "Wait Christina! Please, let me explain-

"No, save it, I'm done. I told you and showed you that relationships haven't been really important to me. I'll admit that I have used men to get what I want or need, but you wanted a relationship with me. I have given and shown you more of who I am than I've shown _Meredith_, my best friend, because I love you. Shepherd did a great damn surgery and if you had told him or if I had told him about the shaking, it wouldn't have been a problem, you know it wasn't Shepherds fault. You lost the only friends you really had, George and Shepherd, they can't trust you anymore. You were going to operate on his dad, _his_ father! You wouldn't say anything and I didn't tell because I was trying to be there for you. Yes, I told the chief but Preston, we almost killed a women when, if your hand was back to normal, it probably never would of happened. Preston, god, I just couldn't do it anymore. You were all I was thinking about, I thought I was going to be kicked out of the program but at that moment I didn't care because I just wanted you to be alright and I'm sorry that my emotional needs got in the way!"

Preston winced as he listened to her speech. "Christina, I'm so sorry-

"Damnit I told you!" Christina breaks down into heart wracking sobs.

"Christina I am so sorry. I really am, I love you, I really do," Preston bent down and hugged her tightly to him, rocking her back and forth and whispering comforting words into her ear. After a few minutes, Christina finally started to calm down. Preston looked her in the eyes. "Christina, I have something to say," he started, "and please listen before you say no… I really think we should to talk to someone to help us because we basically can't do this ourselves anymore."

"No, there is no way I'm going to see a shrink, you know those people freak me out, and why the hell would I open up to a complete stranger when I can't even talk to you," Christina exclaimed, pushing him away from her slightly. Preston looked thoughtful.

"Well, we have to do something because I'm not going to let you go without a fight," he said finally and looked down at her.

"Fine," Christina said, annoyance apparent in her voice, "um, well, I don't think you will like my idea though."

"What is it?" Preston asked curiously. "I'm sure it can't be bad."

"Okay, promise me you'll be open minded about this," Christina said cautiously.

"I promise," Preston replied.

"…I think we should talk with Meredith and Derek," Christina said finally and waited for Preston's angry reaction.

"What?!" Preston shouted. "Why the hell would that help?!"

"You said you would be open-minded!" Christina yelled back.

"Fine," Preston sighed. "I'm sorry, I'll listen."

"Thank you," Christina said, calming herself. "Meredith says that Derek won't talk to her about anything, he won't open up about the drowning and her mother and Addison and if she brings any of this type of stuff up, he gets defensive and angry. I guess Derek's been distant lately and it's scaring Meredith because she doesn't want to loose him. It all started after the drowning accident."

"Alright, I guess I'll do it," Preston said, exasperated. "Derek has seemed different lately and I guess I want my friend back too."

"Okay I'll call her," Christina said, relief in her voice as she stood up. Preston followed her example.

"I'm going to get ready for work," Preston said quietly and padded away. Christina picked up the phone and dialed her friends number.


	2. Chapter 2

While Derek just finished talking to his last night post-op patient and was heading towards the nurse's station, Meredith was reading a chart. Then, all of a sudden, she felt two strong arms wrap around her waist and warm lips nipping at her neck. She was about to hit whoever was behind her when she heard a familiar voice.

"Looks likes you need a Neurological consult," Derek said with a sly smile, kissing her neck again after resting his head on her shoulder.

"Really?" Meredith said, trying to hide her smile, "and stop!" She playfully smacked his shoulder "People will see you," Meredith said.

"I don't care if people see," Derek said bluntly. "You're my girlfriend, I'm supposed to flirt with you and I thought you said you wanted me to pay attention to you more anyway."

"Alright, two things, one, I'm going to get laid tonight, take that look off your face, and two, I remember saying I want you to _talk_ to me more. I don't remember saying anything about attention," she stated smartly.

"Whatever. Is it so bad that I can't keep my hands off you and you look hot with your ass sticking out, calling me to touch it," Derek lightly slapped her ass.

"You ass! People are around and we're being professional, remember? Your idea, not mine mister," she playfully jabbed him in the chest.

"Screw professional, it doesn't work for us. I want to be able kiss and touch you wherever and whenever I want," to he said with sly grin.

"Hold on cowboy, the wherever isn't going to happen and wherever has its boundaries too," she said with a stern look.

"But Mer-bear please?" he gives her the puppy dog eyes.

"Oh no, that isn't going to work today, don't 'Mer-bear' me," jabbing him in the chest. "You wouldn't work on my car the other night."

"Mer I was tired-

"That's because you were tired from working on _your_ car all day and the day before," said Izzie.

"But-

"No 'buts' Derek, I told you to work on my car Friday night because then you had two days to work on it but no, your too busy working on your car," Meredith said sternly.

"Okay, I'm sorry, I'll work on it when I get home," he jumps up on the counter, sitting down, and puts Meredith between his legs. "I'm sorry," he knew he should either give in or run.

"Thank you, and will you at least be somewhat professional for me, please?" she asled, giving him the puppy dog look.

"Fine, but only for you," he said, kissing her neck again. Then, his head found it's resting place on her shoulder again.

A pager went off and they all looked hastily at their own pagers.

"It's me, I have to go," Derek jumped off the counter and started walking away. Meredith started talking to with her friends when Derek hugged Meredith from behind and kissed her cheek.

"I forgot to say bye," he said.

"You came all the way back to say 'bye'? I didn't mind, I knew you were in a hurry but thank you," she kissed him lightly. "Love you."

"Love you." They did their special kiss as his pager went off again. "Oh I got to go. I'll meet you in the lobby at-

"Five but four if it's slow, you?

"Three so I'll be in my office if you get out early, love you," he said.

"Okay, love you," she said as his figure slowly disappeared around the corner.


	3. Chapter 3

The next couple days went by pretty normally for everyone. The hospital had been busy keeping up with all the trauma patients coming in from a 50-car pile-up. It was finally Sunday and Meredith, Derek, Preston, and Christina all had the day off.

Meredith's standing in front of here mirror fixing her hair and looking at her outfit.

"Today's the day," she says to herself. "Derek, are you ready yet?" she yells.

"Huh? Oh yeah Mer, I'm ready" he yells not taking his eyes off the television where the game was showing.

"Derek, do you think I look okay?" She asks as she walks down the stairs but she becomes angry when she looks up to see what he's doing, "Derek, what the hell are you doing? she yells.

"Yes! Huh?" he says finally, looking away from the TV screen to see her standing behind him with her hand son her hips, "I'm watching the game…"

Meredith just stares at him.

"What?" he asks innocently.

"You're supposed to be getting ready, and here you are, sitting on your ass!" she snaps at him.

"I am ready, I'm dressed, see" he says, trying not to piss her off anymore than she already is.

"Whatever Derek, how many innings are left?" She asks, annoyance still apparent in her voice.

"Four, why?" he asks.

"Because Christina and Burke will be here soon" she says as she walks to the kitchen.

"Oh, okay" he says walking up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist. "What's wrong"? he whispers.

"I just feel like your avoiding me and have been since I told you about today, that's all," she says in a whisper.

"Oh, baby no I haven't been avoiding you, it's just that I guess I've been scared that if you knew everything about me and my past you wouldn't love me anymore," he says, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"I've been worried too, but I could never fall out of being in love with you Derek, okay?" she says, turning around to face him.

"Really, I could never fall out love with you either" he whispered inching closer to her lips.

They were inches apart when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it, you go finish watching your game," she says, kissing him lightly on the lips.

"Alright" he says, grabbing beer out of the fridge on the way out. Meredith goes to answer the door, smoothing out her lavender shirt in the process. The doorbell begins ringing again for about the 10th time in the last few minutes.

"I'm coming!" she says as she opens the door. She sees Christina and Burke standing there.

" Finally!" Christina says as she walks into the house with Burke on tow.

"I said I was coming, I'll be there in a minute," Meredith says with hands on her hips.

"Whatever" Christina says.

"Good afternoon Dr. Burke," Meredith says shaking his hand formally.

"Good afternoon Meredith, and you don't have to call me Dr. Burke outside the hospital," Preston says politely and smiles.

"Oh okay Preston" Meredith says, unsure of herself and an awkward silence envelopes them.

"Oh come on! He was safe!" Derek yells at the TV from the other room, "What the Hell, that was in!" he yells again. Meredith, Christina, and Preston are all standing in the entryway of the living room where Derek is yelling at the referees. Meredith and Christina can't help but laugh at Derek. He quickly then notices them standing there and turns around "What are you two laughing at?" he asks indignity.

"You!" they both say.

"I can't believe that you're a cubs fan," Preston says, shaking his head.

"Yeah, what team do you like?" Derek asks curiously.

"Yankees fan, I'm all for the Yankees" Preston replies.

"Whatever you say Preston" Derek says, focusing his attention back to the game. Meredith and Christina go into the kitchen to let the boys watch their game.

"Oh come on!" Preston says.

"Yes!" Derek yells, "you owe me twenty bucks my friend."

"Here," Preston says as he hands him the money and goes to the kitchen. Derek is putting his money away in his wallet as he, too, walks into the kitchen.

"The game over?" Meredith asks.

"Yup" Preston says.

"Okay, do you guys want to talk to now?" Meredith asks.

"Yeah I guess" Derek says, grabbing two beers, "Anybody else want one?" he asks.

"Yeah, what kind you got?" Preston asks.

"Bud light," Derek replies.

"Sure," Preston says.

"Me too," Christina adds.

"Okay, let's get this thing started," Derek says. He hands them their beers and they walk into the living where Meredith is sitting, waiting.

"Here I got you a beer," Derek says, handing her the beer as he sits down next to her. Christina sits next to Meredith and Preston sits next to her and the each take a large swallow of beer.


End file.
